A few months ago, I was struggling to sleep and the dreadful 530am alarm. Thoughts of my current life, where I have been and where I wanted to go, kept creeping into my brain. My current life had me in a mediocre situation, I did not want to get close to people, my job provided money for bills but not fulfilling, I did not intend on staying but no idea what to do and where I would go. Then remembered at 8 years old how I found my sister’s map of Magellan’s circumnavigation of the globe. I studied that map for hours/days and dreamed about what is out there beyond my little town of 14,000. For years following, that curiosity sparked a gnawing in my gut for exploration, learning, and history. My very tired brain kept churning all kinds of thoughts, a position I loved popped in my exhausted brain, this career took me to places around the globe, the experiences were fulfilling, magnificent and life-changing. Then current life came rushing back, I sat up and acknowledged I had settled out of fear and age, what am I going to do? OMG, my clock read 238am, that alarm will go off shortly, reminding me it’s time to go sit at my gray desk at my mediocre job in my mediocre life. Not sure if it was serendipitous the following day circumstances presented themselves and a door closed to my mediocre situation and that is when a window flung open to the bright colorful possibilities of a purpose fulfilled life. That gnawing for curiosity from the night before was back and very loud but where to start and doing what?
First, I panicked and sent out 20+ resumes and only heard back from 2 with thanks but no thanks. Pulled out a red notebook to figure out where I want to be in 3 months, 6 months and next year, plus what makes me happy and fulfilled. There are 4 definite areas: friends/family (I did not have many), laughing, traveling (I have done this well) and working with small businesses getting them organized or helping to plan their success (did this in the past and loved it). So, I concluded I would be an entrepreneur and start a virtual assistants company. Moved forward at a good pace (thank goodness for the internet), finished a VA 30 Day Launch certificate, plus 2 other certificates and was 60% ready to launch my Northstar Business Support, then lost my entrepreneurial nerve, what if…. they don’t like me…. I am not successful…. I cannot deliver the work….am I a fraud? My mental triggers were in overload and the biggest one was FEAR! Overthinking = Fear = Settlement, was I ready to settle back into middle-class mediocrity? In the past, I was given a corporate color test, which concluded I was a green person that wanted people to like me and hated confrontation. For years I lived this way and was content (settled) but now I was ready to fight and move forward with passion and what I enjoyed doing. Plus, the thought of 9-6 in an office kept repulsing me. Found several mentors online – watched their videos, listen to a podcast and got excited again. Heard one of my mentors talk about a seminar she took where the presenter asked 4 questions. Imagine you are 90 years old and dying looking back on your life; “what fired you up about your past life, what was fun for you? How would someone describe you? Looking back, WHY do you feel like you were born? In the current life where are you not living purposefully and where are you living?”. All these questions hit my heart especially the WHY do I feel like I was born. I have become a big believer everyone has a purpose in life, mine is to work with small businesses to help them plus get people traveling to experience the cultures and beauty of the world. That is when I realize, I am Magellan he was an explorer and entrepreneur and I cried because I was happy knowing this is what I am meant to do.
Now I am 5-10% from launching Northstar Business Support and feel more confident than I have ever felt. My little office is full of colorful sticky notes, target calendar, marketing plans and my wonderful smelly dog Buddy. Stay tuned and be on the lookout within the next 7-10 days.
Psst….I am sleeping at night!!!